My Dad and I

"It's only when you grow up, and step back from him, or leave him for your own career and your own home—it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. Pride reinforces love." -- Margaret Truman

It is never really right to have a favorite child but there was no denying I felt special in my Dad's eyes. He wasn't home much, always early to work and late to get home. He did, however, take me to his office sometimes to "show" me off. He let me play with his whiteboard markers (magic!) and use up his printer paper. He carried my school pictures in his wallet. He always brought me a small gift from his business travels and I remember when he took me on a "date" at Alba's, a Spanish restaurant, for Beef Salpicao. There were other childhood memories...but apart from that, I was mostly with my Mom. Even then, I adored him.

He was known by everyone in his office because he was always being funny. Very politically incorrect...yet you couldn't help but laugh. He had a reputation for being green (and it has nothing to do with saving the earth). I wanted to be like him. So I mimicked his antics and his jokes. I wanted nothing but to please him so I ended up working for the same company (I quit when he retired!). My Dad may be short but he's a very big man. Pride and work were his treasures and he lived by them...but you know, things don't always turn out the way one hopes. I wish I can tell him that life is too short, that he can wish and pray for things to be different but why waste all that time when you can just be grateful for today. Of course, that's easier said than done since most people are guilty of the same thing. Except...he's not getting any younger and I really want him to savor the remaining years of his life. I want him to give thanks for his loyal and loving wife of almost 50 years, to forgive his children for not fulfilling what they were expected to do, to say "To hell with everyone who's betrayed me!", to LET GO. To free his heart. To feel weightless. Yes, much has happened in the last 10 years and his laughter, I miss.

Maybe he just needs to be reminded that things will be okay, that it's okay to laugh even when your circumstance isn't so funny. Besides, it's not his accomplishments at work that I will remember...it's all the times he cracked me up. So here's to you Dad...laugh like there's no tomorrow - Happy Father's Day Joe Marcos. I love you more now than ever...and I will always remember your "bagoong" joke even after you have forgotten! ;D