I tried to approach the beginning of this week with a little more enthusiasm considering that my voice echoed around the house - my Mom and nieces had left and with them, the usual frantic exchanges in Tagalog. My husband always asked if something was wrong whenever he heard the octaves rise - but really, it's just how we talk even if it's about the need to buy more toilet paper.
I decided to check the school's calendar early Monday morning to see if there was any Parent Coffee meeting running that day (topics vary so I don't always attend). Truth be told, I'm not big on attending social meetings or interactions - I find it uncomfortable more often than not because discrimination is rampant here in Singapore and it's different for every social group. More on that another time....
However, in my attempt to try and get out of the house and get rid of the funk, I decided to attend a support group meeting that focused on "helping" parents with kids that have allergies in the school. I penciled that in sometime ago but waited for the announcement of their meeting place. Liam has food and environmental allergies but they are currently manageable and treatable with over-the-counter antihistamines.
Anyway, I did learn a few more things to help manage my son's allergies and how I should consider having his blood drawn in order to find out the levels his allergies - even though we think have it under control.
What was interesting, however, was how one of the mothers spoke to me. You know, it's really not that hard to notice someone's inflections, facial expressions and tone of voice - what they imply and the message they're trying to convey. Ever the person to want approval and always having the need to please, I tried really hard to get past the obvious behavior. It was three quarters of the way through when I just realized that I am face to face with someone who had an angry streak about her but covered it with a toothy, but gritting smile. It wasn't hard to notice that she was often on the attack when she spoke to me, which left me with a questioning look on my face because I wasn't sure what her problem was or what point she was now trying to make. It seemed everytime I spoke, she had an opposing opinion - so much so that it was all she could do to accuse me and my son of certain things. Something that wasn't lost on the other mother sitting next to me - because in her gentle way, she was trying to "defend" me. Sigh...I am already finding it silly that this lady has occupied space in my head for 3 days so I won't go into the details of the conversation. Suffice it to say, she had issues and I happened to be lucky enough to be chosen as the target of her anger that day.
Yesterday, as I browsed through my usual blog roll, I found this poem from SouleMama. She took photo of herself in front of the mirror with this poem tagged on to the mirror - you can hardly see it, really. I clicked on the photo to see what the poem was about but I was only able to read the title. I looked it up on the web and the poem spoke to me...
Poetry by Mary Oliver - Next Time Next time what I'd do is look at
the earth before saying anything. I'd stop
just before going into a house
and be an emperor for a minute
and listen better to the wind
or to the air being still.
When anyone talked to me, whether
blame or praise or just passing time,
I'd watch the face, how the mouth
has to work, and see any strain, any
sign of what lifted the voice.
And for all, I'd know more -- the earth
bracing itself and soaring, the air
finding every leaf and feather over
forest and water, and for every person
the body glowing inside the clothes
like a light.It's also very easy to be in an angry phase myself - I could just as easily let her behavior fester in my head, get personal with this individual whose name escapes me now...and make me look at myself in the mirror and ask myself if I deserved such treatment. I mean, gee, did I invite this? Is the universe trying to tell me something again?
So today...I choose to let go. Not for this lady but for me. Lighten my load, so to speak. To write about it is to transfer it from my head to something else and let go. I realize it's nothing serious, I just don't like having angry people populating my life (or my head) because I end up being an angry person myself. So pardon my need to write it down. One has to do what it takes to be on the road to peace and joy...one little bit at a time.
