May 20, 1960. It was a hot noon day at San Roque Church. There was no wedding party, no guests. Just Mom & Dad with their witnesses, my Dad's brother & wife. My Lola wasn't too happy about Dad marrying just a month after his graduation from San Beda College. Unfortunately for her, Mom & Dad had already eloped...and well, you know what happens...so Lola had to dig deep in her pocket for 35 Pesos so that Dad could pay the church and a priest could officiate their wedding. There was no ring, just a piece of paper that made their union legal. I never really wondered over the years why neither one wore a wedding ring, it wasn't until I got married when I asked if they had any. Times were hard for them back then. Dad didn't have a job for a whole year. They had to live under my Lola's roof - which, despite my respect for my Lola, was very hard on my Mom. She was pregnant and Lola wasn't all that supportive...perhaps even a bit hard on her. Eventually, Dad got a job at IBM as a key punch operator, earning 150 Pesos a month. Back then, bus rides cost him 10Centavos. During strikes, he'd have to walk the bridge in Quiapo. Overtime pay was 1.50 Pesos!
Theirs is a long story full of triumph and tribulation, joy and sadness. Dad was the quintissential hard worker. He left for the office very early and came home late. He climbed the ranks at IBM and by the time he retired, he was already the Financial Operations Manager - a far cry from the key punch operator he began as! My Mom, on the other hand, defined the word housewife to the best of her ability, serving my Dad at his beck and call - he was the breadwinner, after all. She managed the house and everything else...except that is, the bank account. That might have been normal around that time. Truth be told, she didn't want to handle it either. Dad took care of all the financial needs - it made her feel like he was taking care of her. In a way, there was a 'benefit' to it. But hold on...it didn't mean my Mom didn't posses any financial acumen - she handled the household expenses after Dad gave her the monthly allowance. In fact, she had tried to earn a bit of money being a Tupperware lady...she even sold liquor! With that money, she helped Dad pay down their mortgage - and so the house they have now (where I was born!) is fully paid.
I won't be able to write down their full story. It's only now that I've managed to pick their heads about it, asking questions here and there. I am only piecing things together. My Dad has a different take and so does my Mom. I try to tread carefully, making sure I don't interject my own opinions of the decisions they've made - although sometimes, that's hard to do. I am at a point in my life, wondering what I want to be when I 'grow up'....in that process, I developed a certain resentment for some of the choices they've made. I am working on trying to let that go - they were only doing their best, at least in their minds and hearts. On the other hand, I am also very grateful that they are still alive to tell me the hardship they went through just to 'succeed' in life. When there was plenty to go around, they were never selfish. Generous to a fault. When there was little - they still gave. I am not sure how they managed to do that....
As with any family - ours was dysfunctional, too. There were squabbles and such - but there was a lot of laughter too. Humor was always part of our day - the crass kind too. None of that politically correct type humor. My Mom would just laugh or hide her embarrassment when Dad would tell all sorts of jokes or poke fun at certain things (or people!). My Dad had a dirty mouth, an expletive for every third word - but because it was DAD, no one really bothered to notice that part. Everyone just laughed....so as Dad tried to take the spotlight, Mom was in the background. What Dad won't admit readily, perhaps, is that she was his backbone. That tandem team survived and thrived - despite the all too clear dysfunction.
Life throws curve balls though and even after years of hard work, the betrayal of friends and bad investment decisions have led to hard times. It is difficult to watch them go through this stage. A time when they were supposed to be enjoying their retirement is now mostly filled with worry. There's no more blaming to go around, really - it's just the way it is. It's stressful, it's heartbreaking...BUT! Yes, BUT! They can't help but love each other anyway. They probably argue more now - because Mom somehow found her voice and Dad, the head of the family, has had to concede a little. I don't live in Manila anymore and God only knows what goes on in that house. However, they have been in my home now for a week and I am humbled by their dedication towards each other. My Dad, who used to be so autocratic and decisive, gives in more to my Mom and is more protective (yes, yes, he still has a habit of criticizing and that's probably something he'll never lose). When I tease my Mom, he would go to her defense - something he didn't do before when I was younger. My Mom, well - Dad will always be the love of her life. She can rant and rave about her annoyance...but she will still do everything for my Dad, without a sigh or hesitation.
And so....50 years together.
What else can I say? I am very happy they are with me on this momentous occassion. I am sad that the whole family couldn't be together to celebrate. Because it is hard times, were not priveleged to have a big celebration...any money that would have gone to that will have to be saved instead. However, my parents don't get to travel all that much and being here in Singapore, hanging out with the grandkids, driving them all over town, tasting different types of noodles (they love to eat!) - I hope that I am able to give them the honor, love and respect that they truly deserve. It is because of them that I am able to make the choices I've made and am making, even if these choices are very different from the choices they've made in the past. Their success as a married couple is testament to the fact that however way they show love for each other must work for them. Who can argue with that?
Mom and Dad - I'm not very eloquent but I hope I managed to let you know on this post how much I deeply love both of you. I've never been one to show my emotions to you (that's a whole other story) so this is a stretch for me - but know that your 50 years of being married gives me hope that my soon to be 16th anniversary will reach that milestone (barring any disasters!).
Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary!
