As The Day Draws to a Close....Part II

I really didn't want to bundle up my PANIC issues with the JOY I experienced today in one posting. It wouldn't be fair. Judd knows, I am never really in the HAPPY moment all the time - in fact, we both suffer from the need to get on the "dark side". It's just in my nature and I wanted that out of the way so I can make room for the BEAUTY in my life. I mean, look at this!





It was certainly a slow start today. My mouth was watering for those fried pork knuckles that I was promised for my birthday. Judd had decided to book me a hotel room so I could have time on my own, away from our normally noisy and crazy home (we have kids, what did you expect?). I requested weeks ago for a room near the marina so WE could ALL watch the fireworks as a family on NYE but found out that the 31st had been booked solid for some time now. Next best thing was to do it on my birthday. So, I was a little surprised and apprehensive when Judd decided that I needed time on my own. Alone on my birthday?? I wasn't so sure.....

We left before noon and checked-in first before eating. The room was nice and inviting but I already felt a pang. A ping. A pit.

Alone...?

Lunch was wonderful. I was given license to order anything I wanted...and I wanted PORK. Not just any pork - Crispy Pata (fried pork knuckles) and Inihaw na Liempo (grilled pork belly). Followed by Ensaladang Manga (green mangoes, tomatoes and shrimp paste salad) and Sinigang na Hipon (sour soup with prawns). Calamansi Juice for all! The restaurant was almost empty (lunch hour on a Monday) and so the kids had free reign to move and speak with loud voices over Tagalog Christmas songs. The kids ate REALLY well! Ariana loved the pata skin and Liam loved the sinigang. No one cared for the salad but that's no surprise given the bagoong. Just as we asked for the bill, the whole staff came out with a little plate of Leche Flan and a lit candle singing a loud rendition of Happy Birthday in English followed by the Tagalog version. How great was that?? I wonder how they guessed (could it be because the kids sang Happy Birthday to me twice?).








My heart was already filling with JOY and about to burst. I did not want to cry in public today!

After yet ANOTHER trip to the loo, we took a lovely, warm spot at Starbucks. We enjoyed our cappuccinos and cookies...but most of all, we enjoyed laughing to our hearts content as the kids made faces, spoke in silly accents and were just being so funny! With Judd's head on my shoulder, we just watched them be kids. I took the camera out and started to shoot....












But soon, we had to leave Starbucks - it was already past 3pm. The kids wanted to go home and swim - I was about to be left behind. Parting by the elevator was bittersweet - it was hard to let them go but I knew I'd see them again tomorrow. I am so lucky... sometimes, I forget. It was such a LOVELY day. I am truly blessed.

By then I understood why I needed to be alone - it is so I could absorb all this goodness in the quiet of my mind. In the silence of the room, I was able to feel the longing for my husband and my kids - an act that gets lost when you're in the thick of things all the time. Yes, I got a little bored....but a little boredom is good for the soul - it forced me to make my way to the Esplanade where the cool breeze was blowing and a band was playing. I bought a plate of Satay and Ketupat...and gave thanks for all that I had.








When I got back to my room, I discovered a chocolate birthday cake complete with plates, candles and matches from the hotel staff. I can't wait to share it with my family tomorrow.






I wish everyone would have the kind of birthday I had...

xoxoxo

As The Day Draws to a Close.....Part I

There are two hours left to this day (or night) as I write this. I, honest to God, wasn't really looking forward to having my birthday because too many unsettling thoughts were cramming in my head. What the heck was Oprah talking about anyway when she said how wonderful it was to turn 50? Have you picked up the latest O Magazine?

Top 40 for me is about to happen in 365 days. It's not the physical changes that bother me, though certainly I would prefer less lines and grey hair. It's the idea that my life seems like it's on fast forward all of a sudden. Am I in the "half time" of my life? More than that? Obviously, as I age - my children age too and will not be children for very long. My parents are ageing even faster and may not remain lucid for very long. If there's anything else I want to do with my life, I better get off my butt.



(PANIC....breathe in...breathe out)



Panic aside (oh, sure!)....I'm really just concerned that I'm NOT prepared for the next chapter of my life. My son is nearing the pre-teen years and I don't know if Judd and I have prepared him enough for the world - which can be harsh and cruel. My daughter is so consumed with Hannah Montana and The Cheetah Girls - characters we never see at home and yet she knows about and mimics! I'm worried about my parents who are struggling with their finances because they trusted someone who eventually took advantage of them - and they are already having health problems normally associated with ageing. I will have to deal with all of this - apart from my own issues as a person and as a spouse. Gone are the days when I'm just playing house - and no, I did not mean for that to rhyme.

I have to get a grip on reality and start planning my life before it consumes me. The spur of the moment thing is great only for movies, going out to eat and trips to the park (and other interesting activities, if you know what I mean)- everything else needs careful assessment (even those interesting activities!). This is strictly my opinion as I am sure you have a different take on this. Although I am a slave to my lists, if not for them, I would not get things done. So....it's time to get pen and notebook out once again as the new year approaches. It's been hidden long enough during this holiday - it needs to see the light of day. Yes, I meant for that to rhyme. =)

Luckily, despite all these things I am worried about....Love and Joy won over my day. Next post coming up....

My Calendar

I've never been good at "waiting". Give me a present and I'll want to open it BEFORE I'm supposed to. Tell me you have a surprise for me and I will ask you until you BREAK down. Give me a calendar with my favorite comic strip and I will probably READ it the night (or 2 or 3) before. So, of course, I just had to read the one on my birthday a few days before. I had to crack up! Story of my life.....

Life with Judd...or a snippet of it.

You know, when you're 24 and in love, and I mean MADLY in love, nothing much matters really - which is silly looking back now because I was putting everything on the line for something that, at the time, had no guarantees. I believed in FATE and having known Judd since I was 13, I thought, this has to be fate and therefore, required my FULL commitment.



Now, I'm not writing this because somehow I regret everything and wish things were different. Gee, I think I'd need to go to a shrink or my pastor for that one!

No, no, no...

What I mean is, marrying him meant that I had to leave behind my life: my country, my family, my friends, my job. Since he was an expatriate at that time (and again today), it also meant that we would have to move around. At 24, I didn't quite prepare for that. For almost 15 years, the only place I've been able to call home as a married woman is New Jersey. We lived there the longest. New country, new culture, new traditions. When I first arrived there, it hit me like a truck going a mile a minute. But that's a whole other story - I would have to do another posting for that before I lose track of what I've been meaning to say...again.

So what exactly AM I trying to say?

Ever since moving to Singapore in 2005, we have spent every Christmas in Manila. It was exciting, exhausting, exhilarating, stressful, chaotic, hilarious - you name it. It was like finally "being home" for me.



But somehow, by mid 2008, Judd and I toyed with the idea of staying in Singapore for Christmas. We still booked tickets...we just didn't pay for it yet. We were changing our minds so many times, I lost count. Something about being on our own like we used to be back in NJ was attractive. After all, we haven't done that and bless Judd's heart, he's really put up with Manila Christmas just for me (again, more on that another time). I was scared! Could we do it and not end up regretting our choice? Would we be extremely lonely? It was hard to top last Christmas - Judd and I hosted the Eve party, cooking an American feast and keeping my Mother away from the kitchen. What would we do in Singapore???

It's the day after Christmas and I am feeling relaxed, calm and, dare I say - happy? Judd and I did what we always did back in the U.S.: we toiled the night away on Christmas eve, wrapping and tagging gifts, making elaborate notes from Santa, fixing a tray of partially consumed cookies and milk, arranging the gifts and re-arranging, listening to music, admiring the tree, freezing at the sound of anything - thinking the kids might get up any moment and catch us red-handed! The only thing missing was the snow and the sweaters.



Christmas morning in our Singapore home was lovely and the rest of the day was full of family activities. Just US. We didn't feel lonely, we didn't feel guilty for not making an elaborate meal...in fact, we had a great time. We made sure of it.



Does it mean I didn't miss my family back in Manila and all the wonderful reunions with friends? Of course, I did - mostly on the days leading up to Christmas. Then...I think I just remembered what life has always been like with Judd. Staying in Singapore didn't have to be miserable. It just comes with the territory of being married to an American man, who happens to be a very private man with an entirely different culture and tradition; an expat and a traveler. I didn't really understand that at 24...but as I approach my 39th birthday in a few days, I realize that I get it now. I am okay with it. I will always miss my family, I will remain committed to helping them, I will visit them as often as I can...but my commitment remains and will remain to my family of four.

Wherever we might be and however we choose to spend our time together.

Countdown to Christmas

Warning: This is a LONG post dotted with photos. No, really. Don't say I didn't warn you. You see, our December start wasn't so great, despite the excitement of knowing that when December hits, it's a countdown to our most favorite holiday of the year. I have a sneaky suspicion, it's to test how positive this family can remain. In 2 days, it will be Christmas and this year, by far, still remains to be the easiest and least stressful holiday we've ever had. Despite what you're about to read. For the kids' sake (since this blog really is my gift for them), I want to recall the craziness we began with. Ready, Freddy?





December 1, 2008. The whole family fell ill, 3 had fevers and the 2 kids were heaving as well. Ariana got hit the hardest, with a bad case of Mycoplasma (walking pneumonia) and survived only on her meds and water, maybe 4 spoons of yogurt per day for almost 4 days. Her temperature eventually returned to normal but she was left extremely lethargic.





December 6, 2008. We decided to go ahead and host the Christmas party for our Filipino expatriate friends which was planned 2 months in advance. Everyone cleared their calendar for this day. It was also to celebrate Liam's upcoming birthday. Sometime during the party, Judd took Ariana to the emergency room - she just seemed too lethargic. I stayed behind for Liam - he was just about to blow his birthday candles and make a wish. After 2 hours, Ariana came back home, just needing more rest. Whew.





December 7, 2008. Liam invited 7 of his friends to watch Bolt, went for a swim at our place and had a simple meal of chicken tenders and fries. Ariana stayed home with Ate Nita, my nanny as a kid, who was visiting at the time.




December 9, 2008. Liam celebrated his actual birthday at school and I brought in brownies. In reality, it was the day the class moms gave Liam's teacher her Christmas / Baby Shower gift since she will be leaving for her maternity leave. To make it a surprise, I was to bring in the sweets for Liam's birthday as a cover up. I didn't mind because in the end, Robin Balshaw still made sure Liam was the star before she acknowledged her gifts. Nice =).





December 10/11, 2008. Ariana remained home until Wednesday that week. I wanted to make sure she had enough energy to handle the classroom mayhem before sending her back. Meanwhile, I tackled the gazillion Christmas cards, teachers' gifts and treat bags. The weekend crept up slowly and we stayed home to just chill. I mean for pete's sake, we were bloody exhausted!

** OK, Aren't you exhausted from reading my post yet? Go ahead, get a glass of water. Maybe wine. Heck, you can even log off now and come back later. Or not. Your choice. Point is, I'll still be posting and you're welcome to stay or not. **

December 13/14, 2008. Yes, it's the same weekend I said we'd chill. The thing was, Liam had 2 exams the following week and Ariana was the Star of the Week in her class. Several hours of studying and a poster later - we were ready to face the week ahead! It was the LAST week after all and I wanted it over! Kapoosh, done, finito! (How many times can you say "week" in one paragraph?)


December 17, 2008. Ariana was Star of the Week. Judd and I went to school and Judd offered to read one of Ariana's favorite books - Mister Dan, the Bandage Man. I was in charge of distributing Ariana's favorite snack (wholewheat crackers and cheddar) and apple juice. (Photo coming soon). We also played Santa's Elves for the rest of the day. Ssshhh..... Oh, and by the way, Liam aced his exams. Sweet!









December 19, 2008. Class Holiday parties all throughout the school. I volunteered for one class but chose the least stressful job (bringing in juice boxes and Pin the Nose to Rudolph) - and I actually had a great time! Note to self: repeat the same strategy.






Oh, did I forget to mention I decided to say goodbye to my long hair? Say hello to my new do and my new friends, the eyebags. Gotta love 'em!





December 20. 2008. The Rossuck family are officially on HOLIDAY! Woohoo! (Doing the dance of joy). Oh, and just in case you're wondering how I managed to do this LONG post without interruption - the Patriarch is out with the offsprings so they can have their haircuts. Nice eh? Besides, both washer and dryer are shaking in the laundry room and the kitchen sink is squeaky clean. And when I figure out how to link this blog to our Flickr account, you can view the rest of our lovely and wacky Christmas photos there. For now....

We're finally ready to face a quiet and lovely Christmas. =)

PS. I proudly uploaded from my mobile phone, my point & shoot digicam, Judd's Powershot and the Nikon D60 - by myself! =) =) =)

Galbijim for Dinner

Well, it took five hours to cook and only a few minutes to devour. My version of Galbijim, the Korean Shortrib Beef Stew. It wasn't bone dry after all =).

What to say?

I've had this blog set up for quite a while and each time I open it, I tinker and fiddle. I'm new to this - not the blogging world per se. I love reading other people's blogs and I have been doing so for a couple of years now. I told myself "Wouldn't it be great if I had one, too?". But as with anything in my life it seems, I never quite get to the stage of actually doing it. I want it to look like the blogs I read, with witty comments, lovely photos and a brave posting of what goes on in their lives. Would anyone reading it get bored? Who am I writing for? Is this for me and my family? Can I actually share my thoughts? Will I be judged for how I live my life? Oh boy...even before I can begin, I'm already filled with anxiety. Didn't I envision this blog to be a way to for me to put in words what I long to say? Wasn't it supposed to provide me some form of satisfaction? A venue to "lay it all out" so to speak. Imagine that. So I save the changes I've made and then I conveniently forget it in lieu of doing the laundry. After all, we need underwear.

Today, a very dear friend shared her Holiday greetings by posting a video of her daughter singing - in her blog. Dang! I forgot about her blog! I adore this friend and have always admired her strength and grace (especially under fire). Is it coincidence that she would unwittingly encourage me to type my very first posting? So okay, I still don't know how to upload anything. In fact, I just got a new camera and I also don't know how to use it yet. I bought it so I can take better pics of my kids and also to take pictures for my blog. Everything takes time...and I am going to take it one step at a time too. It is a holiday after all and while my daughter is pulling on my leg so we can play Hi Ho! Cherry-O and the stew I am making is probably bone dry by now, I am already enjoying the process as I type. I just hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed sharing...