It isn't a surprise that I haven't been able to blog. Although blogging has always been a great source of comfort for me (as one friend phrased, like a form of purging), my general attitude and lack of action have not provided any kind of inspiration to write. I can attempt to define what I am feeling (funk? midlife crisis? depression? bored?) but none of these words fully capture what it is I am experiencing.
I am grateful for friends who, without realizing it, have offered me words of comfort through their notes and posts - which were intended for themselves but because they shared it with the rest of us, I am benefiting from it myself. It's really all I can do right now. Yes, I got my permission to "fall apart" from women friends who insist that I have every right to feel the way I do....but then again, I am still afraid of being perceived as weak. I already think of myself that way - I don't need other people to do the same.
So, let's just say that I am trying to survive one day at a time right now. I don't have any earth shattering issues to deal with and hence, I don't even think I have the right to feel the way I do. Nevertheless, it is what it is and as long as I am not hurting or bothering anyone (but myself?) then I'll just trudge on. Tomorrow's another day and I am hopeful that I will be in a more positive state of mind.
Meanwhile, a big thank you to friends who DO live inspiring lives - you give me reason to look forward to better days!
